The Stress On A Mind
by rainy angellz
Summary: Bobby’s reaction to his own violent reaction. Postep for The War At Home, spoilers for Blind Spot.


* * *

**Disclaimer: Don't own dear Bobby or Alex, and never will. Just borrowing them for a little. :) **

**This is my first fanfic in a REALLY long time. So... go easy:) **

* * *

I looked down at his hands as he descended to the lowest level of One Police Plaza. The elevator quietly made a signal at every floor it passed as it slowly descended, and I finally stepped off when it reached the parking garage. I stopped suddenly and covered my face with my hands.

_What have I done? _

Deep down inside, I didn't know what I felt. I knew that things hadn't been going as well as I'd hoped, and my behavior certainly allowed for reprimanding. Things just weren't going well, and work didn't help matters.

Just as I had arrived at Carmel Ridge on Thanksgiving Day, content on spending a day with my mother, the call had come from Ross to get back to the city and meet with my partner for a high profile case.

_Another high profile case. Another normal day. Since when did entire life come under the control of everyone else? Thanksgiving was supposed to be a day of giving thanks to what you had in your life, not work. _

Throughout the entire case, Eames had become my rock of sorts. Until somehow, I lost her.

Not lost in a sense that she wasn't in my life anymore, but the connection that we once had is now gone. I don't know why though, and because of it I put myself in a position where I'm truly alone save for my mother who doesn't need my problems to compound on her own.

My hands in my pocket played with my cell phone, wondering if I should take it out and call Eames to explain what was going on. The connection that we once had was gone and I feel as if a part of me is missing.

Eames and Ross had been sympathetic to my need to go visit and be with my mother, but I didn't see it. For the first time in a long time, I felt that I had to put my life first before all those others.

I knew that the Deputy Commissioner was upset over the loss of his daughter, and he wasn't helping matters by breathing down our necks for results.

The pressure of a case, normally I could handle it, but something in me snapped. I didn't know where to put that aggression out. My normal patience was growing thin, and I did what most people would've done: caused a scene.

And looking back now, I regret it. I regret blowing Eames off, I regret being insubordinate towards Ross and the Deputy Commissioner. Truth is, I like my job. It draws me away from all the things that are wrong with my own life: my mother, my lack of commitment, my own loneliness and my lack of a life outside of work.

I slowly walk to my car and get in. I put the key in the ignition, but didn't turn it over. I put my hands on the steering wheel and closed my eyes, slowly releasing the emotion that I had kept inside.

_My mother is slowly dying… after she's gone, who do I have left?_

I sighed, started the car and slowly drove to Carmel Ridge. I settled into my own world of thought on the drive up. I heard my phone ring, picked it up, and saw on the Caller ID that it was Eames. I pushed the button to silence her call.

Several moments later, two beeps indicated either a voicemail or text message. I flipped open the phone. A text message.

_From: Eames Cell _

_To: Bobby Cell _

_You really did a number to your desk. Hope you're doing okay. Remember that I'm here for you. Call me if you need anything. ANYTHING. _

A small smile crept onto my face as I finished reading the text message. Knowing my partner cared even after I had blown her off several times today makes me feel that I could rely on her.

The rest of the ride to Carmel Ridge was driven in silence. When I arrived, the nurses told me she was sleeping, so I quietly entered her room and saw that she rested contently in her bed, finally succumbing to the long day of chemotherapy and anti-psychotics in her system.

In the back of my mind, I'm scared. I'm scared that the one person in my life that has been with me my entire life would soon be gone. And then all I'd have left in my life would be work. That is if I still had a job.

I sat down in the chair near my mother's bed and watched as she slept. She looked as if no pain or demons haunted her tonight, and for that I'm grateful. I smile as I pass my mother one last look before leaving her room for the night.

On the drive back to the city, I think about what led to my scene in the squadroom. It seems like everything around me is changing, and I have no control over any of it. I'm so used to having things a certain way that when something or someone toppled it, it really affects me. But the one person who seemed to always be my constant, my rock was finally toppling me.

I continued driving, knowing exactly where I wanted to go. I stopped in front of an apartment building, parking in the No Standing zone, and enter the building. I walked up the short flight of stairs and down the hall to the familiar apartment. I knocked on the door, twisting nervously and slowly pacing a small circle into the carpet. I looked up when someone answered.

"Bobby, what are you doing here? It's late," Alex said.

"I had to tell you what happened today… what's going on in my life," I began. "Because quite frankly, you're all I have. I'm sorry I blew you off today. I shouldn't have done that."

Alex smiled and gestured me to come in, "Sure, come on in."

I walked into the apartment that I had spent many-a-night completing reports and working on cases in. I sat down on the couch and waited for her to sit. I turned to look at her.

"My mother is dying, you know this. She has cancer," I said. "I haven't exactly been dealing with change as well as I hoped."

"None of us has," Alex began. "We're all getting used to changes. Ross is certainly no picnic."

I smiled at the thought of Ross. "I guess I'm out of a job anyway."

"No, believe it or not, Ross knows that you're stressed. Told me to tell you to call him tomorrow," Alex said. "When did this all start? Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I found out my mother was diagnosed a few weeks ago," I said. "I didn't tell you because you were just getting out of the hospital, you had your own problems. You didn't need my personal life getting in the way of your recovery."

"I wish you had told me," Alex said.

"Well, a lot of my stress began when you were kidnapped," I said. "I-I didn't know what to do without you. You… You're the only constant in my life. Other than Lewis, you're the only person who's stuck by me voluntarily. When I thought you were dead – when Declan theorized your death – I..froze. The thought of you not being there anymore, the thought of me finding you terrified me. I've never felt like this about anyone before, and it's had me confused. I've never had a relationship with someone before on the level that our relationship is."

Alex moved closer to me on the couch. She put a supportive hand on my back.

"You've always got me confused, Bobby," Alex said with a smile. "But I'll always be there for you, no mater what. How many times have you backed me up?"

"Always," I said. "And today just confused me more. I know that you're mad at me, and I apologize for being such an asshole to you today, but I hadn't talked with anyone about it. We didn't have the connection today that we normally have during an interrogation, and it threw me off guard."

"Yeah," Alex began, "I saw that too. It felt weird, and I don't want to say I particularly liked it. I was upset with you too for closing me out. I didn't feel as if you were fully on this case, and I knew you weren't. I should've confronted you. We can't let our personal lives interfere with our professional lives."

"Well, this whole case started out just like that. Our professional life interfered with our personal," I said, "It was a bad omen from the get-go."

I looked at Alex and saw the genuine care and support I normally saw. Things were going to get better.

"So… we're okay now?" I asked.

"We're never okay," Alex said with a smile, "We're _great_."


End file.
